She Was Already There

I was inside the Cheon Won Gung — God's Sanctuary — in the kitchen. It was bright and large, the countertops wide and generous, and gathered around them was a whole group of young Asian youth in their early twenties, all working hard. I was unwrapping ice creams to give to them.

Then suddenly I was on the phone with Holy Mother Han. We were talking about this and that, and then I asked her — with everything in me hoping she would say yes — whether she might be able to meet with me, with us. The others around me were hoping too, quietly anticipating. But the line went dead silent. I heard it go — that hollow stillness of a call that has simply ended. We were all heartbroken.

And then, to my left, she was simply there. Sitting beside me in her wheelchair, as if she had been there all along.

We gathered around her, all of us, overflowing with happiness. Then she raised her hand and began to stroke my head — from the crown slowly down to the nape of my neck — again and again, at least twenty times. I felt like a beloved animal being tenderly patted by its owner, and I mean that in the most beautiful way — that quality of unconditional, wordless love. I felt so incredibly loved, so warm and gushy inside, so deeply relaxed — as if I were melting into something I had never felt before, but absolutely, completely loved feeling. A tremendous peace moved through me. My entire chest filled with her love. I was elated, and yet completely calm, completely at peace.